


two crows, one cigarette, and a very telling ash stain

by daienkaixoxentei



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Comedy, First Cigarette, Fluff, Gen, Humor, M/M, Smoking, dont smoke, purely a hypothetical situation friends, say no to smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-30
Updated: 2016-12-30
Packaged: 2018-09-13 11:53:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,618
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9122356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daienkaixoxentei/pseuds/daienkaixoxentei
Summary: Kageyama and Hinata are alone after practice when they discover a cigarette, and subsequently decide to "experiment." Chaos ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Yo first of all I'd like to say that smoking is a terrible habit and should not be encouraged whatsoever, though I will not judge you if you DO smoke, because that's your decision! This is purely a hypothetical situation, but I hope you'll enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it! Have fun!

“You sure about this, idiot?”

“Daichi is going to kill us.”

“Never mind that, dumbass, they won’t if they don’t find out.”

“ _Suga_ is going to kill us.”

“Like I care what any of them think.”

“ _Ooo_ , the king can do as he likes, huh?”

“ _Don’t_ call me _king,_ dumbass!”

“Don’t call me _dumbass,_ idiot!”

“ _You’re_ the idiot, _idiot_.”

“Well, _you’re_ ”—

“Shh, shut up, I think someone’s coming.”

“Is the king _scared_?”

“ _No_. Anyway, I’m ready! _You_ ’re the one who’s scared.”

“Pffsh, _a-a-as if_! I-I-I-I’m _co-completely_ ready!”

“You’re literally, shaking, dumbass.”

“Well, do it then, if you’re so great. Go on, light one up.”

Kageyama and Hinata shared one final glance, as if to make sure both parties really _were_ on board with the idea. Then, their eyes turned hesitantly towards the pack of cigarettes and the lighter on the floor, and both parties clenched their fists. As athletes, they had both always been discouraged – if not explicitly prohibited – from smoking, so when they found a pack of unopened Marlboros (Coach Ukai’s) left unattended in the gymnasium, a strange rebellious streak had overcome them both, and they had decided to nick the pack, staying after school at the volleyball court to ‘experiment’ with it. At present, both of them were sitting cross-legged on the court, Hinata looking considerably queasier than Kageyama, but both of them looking a bit ill nonetheless. Kageyama took one more deep breath, steeled himself, and reached out for the pack.

“ _Kageyama…_!” Hinata warned apprehensively, looking from side to side as if someone was going to pop out from the dark and scold them for even _entertaining the idea_ of smoking. “B-Be careful, alright?”

Kageyama rolled his eyes, opening the pack and pulling out one cigarette. He eyed Hinata somewhat nervously. “Maybe we should just share one cig and return the pack, or something. Ukai’ll never know.”

In other circumstances, Hinata might have jeered at Kageyama’s hesitance, but the orange-haired boy seemed far too nauseous and nervous himself to even _consider_ doing such a thing. As it was, he nodded eagerly, none the more pleased to have as little to do with the situation as possible.

They both held their breath as Kageyama flicked the lighter; a flame came to life, and slowly, carefully, tentatively, the lighter was brought towards the end of the cigarette, where it met with the butt and quickly, quicker than any of them thought, blazed the end of the cigarette until it glowed in a bright orange circle.

The roof did not fall on their heads. A SWAT team did not come bursting through the window. Suga and Daichi did not materialize into existence and scold the living heck out of them. The earth did not stop spinning. The lighter was switched off, the cigarette was lit, and Kageyama and Hinata both exhaled in relief. They eyed the cigarette warily, and then turned appealing eyes to one another.

“Me first!” They exclaimed simultaneously, and then flushed in irritation.

“Fine, you go ahead.” This too, was said in harmony. Kageyama gritted his teeth, and Hinata grimaced. Finally, Kageyama relented and raised his eyes to Hinata once more, lifting his eyebrows in silent askance, but Hinata shook his head fervently, indicating that Kageyama should go first.

The dark-haired boy nodded, steeling himself. Then, taking a deep breath and hoping he didn’t vomit, he raised the cigarette to his lips, and slowly, carefully, breathed in.

The effect was instantaneous.

Kageyama choked on the smoke, coughing uncontrollably, and Hinata squeaked anxiously. The orange-haired boy’s hands flew to his face, where his nails immediately began to dig into his cheeks in despair.

“We’ve killed the _king_!” He screeched at the top of his lungs, earning a glare from the slowly recovering Kageyama.

“Don’t _shout,_ dumbass, we’ll get caught!” He wheezed out angrily, and Hinata, understanding the wisdom behind this, sealed his lips shut and nodded vigorously. Then, carefully, deep in concentration, Kageyama prepared himself and lifted the cigarette to his lips again.

The smoke passed down his throat a bit smoother this time, filling his lungs with a strange kind of warmth, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. He exhaled carefully, watching as the grey smoke pillowed from his lips and pulled free, twisting and turning artfully until it vaporized into nothingness and dissipated entirely. He shrugged and pulled the cig free from his mouth, offering it instead to a highly distrustful Hinata.

“Your turn, dumbass.”

Hinata screwed his eyes shut and made a determined face, recoiling from the offered cigarette. “N-No way!” He insisted. “That thing nearly killed you!”

Kageyama rolled his eyes. “No, idiot, it’s not a big deal.” He held the cigarette out further at the orange-haired boy, who looked as if he was about to be ill. “Unless, of course, you’re _scared_.”

This jolted Hinata back to reality. He scowled to himself, and eyed the cigarette tentatively. _Well, if Bakageyama could do it…_

“Give me that thing!” He yelped, all but snatching it out of a satisfied Kageyama’s fingers. Suddenly way too eager, he brought it to his lips and took an unnecessarily deep breath in, carelessly and unrestrainedly inhaling the smoke.

Much to the surprise of both parties present, Hinata did not cough. The orange-haired boy opened his eyes in shock and exhaled the smoke presently filling his lungs, looking so stunned that Kageyama worried that he might actually _drop_ the cigarette.

“Y-Yo, Bakageyama, I didn’t choke!” He murmured in awe, eyes shining in disbelief and excitement, and then grinned cheekily at the infuriated dark-haired boy.

“Yeah, but I did it first, so it doesn’t count!” Kageyama snapped back irritably, snatching the cigarette back and taking a drag. He exhaled, and then said: “ _I’m_ the winner, here, not you.”

Hinata laughed cheerfully, and then mimicked Kageyama’s expression from before, eyes bulging and hands on his throat as Kageyama had when he had gagged around the smoke. He coughed artfully and dramatically, sticking his tongue out and retching unnecessarily, causing the dark-haired boy to growl in frustration. He smashed the cigarette’s butt against the floor of the court, leaving a very telling ash stain, but successfully snuffing the flame out.

“Look at me!” Hinata mocked wryly in an unnecessarily deep tone. “I’m Bakageyama, I choke when I smoke!”

“You _shut_ your mouth, dumbass!”  

Hinata only snickered. Kageyama stared nervously at the stain, but then decided that it was far too small for anyone to notice. Besides, it could even be _dirt._ Why on earth would anybody instantly jump to the conclusion that it was an _ash stain_?

**Later**

“Is that… an ash stain?” It was Suga who noticed. It just _had_ to be Suga. The silver-haired boy had his back to them as he knelt down to observe the stain near the sidelines of the court, but Kageyama and Hinata stiffened nonetheless. They shared a _very_ guilty, _very_ obvious look, and tried to look neutral (failing horribly, and ending up looking like they killed someone’s mother instead).

In hindsight, it was probably a terrible idea to have smoked the damn thing _in_ the damn gymnasium, but the damage had already been done, so there was no use whining about it.

“Ukai-san,” Suga said a bit exasperatedly, straightening up and turning to face their coach, placing his hands on his hips and frowning, “did _you_ do this?”

Coach Ukai was understandably confused. The surprise on his face was enough to let Suga know that the coach was _not_ the culprit, which meant…

He sighed, running a hand through his hair and turning to face his teammates.

“Alright, which one of you smoked in here?” He frowned severely, his voice chiding. “Noya, Tanaka, was it one of you?”

“Hah!?” Noya, who had been practicing receiving, was disrupted from his focus and ended up getting hit straight in the face with Asahi’s spike when he turned to face Suga. He yelped (“ _S-Sorry, Nishinoya, I didn’t know you weren’t ready…”)_ and then, rubbing his sore cheek, he regarded Suga a bit sourly. “What? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Suga-san! I’m _practicing_! Next one, Asahi! **_ROLLING THUNDER!!!!_** ” This last part he said to the third year across the court from him, who looked very much as if he was trying not to laugh at Noya’s **_ROLLING THUNDER!!!_**

Tanaka rubbed the back of his head confusedly as he stared at the ash stain. “That? Nah, I don’t, y’know, _do_ that. It puts off the ladies.” This he said with a calculated look at Kiyoko and Yachi, the former of whom sighed in exasperation.

Before Suga could interrogate anybody else, Daichi caught the expression worn by two of their youngest teammates: a certain Hinata Shouyo who looked as guilty as he would be if he had sacrificed a small animal to the devil, and Kageyama, who looked kind of like he was constipated. They both looked like they were about to pass out.

“Kageyama, Hinata…” He began sternly in his best dad-voice, and the pair jumped. “Do you have something to tell us?”

Suga turned his eyes to them as he whirled around to face the pair, as well. He lifted his eyebrows meaningfully, looking highly displeased. “ _Really_ , you guys? You had to begin your rebellious teenage phase _inside_ the gymnasium?”

Tanaka, Noya, Tsukishima and Yamaguchi had already succumbed to laughter. They stood in a row behind the stern captain and his equally unhappy peer (the disapproving mum and dad) stifling their bouts of laughter behind their hands.

Hinata and Kageyama shared one, final look. They gulped. Both their eyes widened and they pointed an accusing finger at one another. And then, in synchronization:

_“HE DID IT!!!”_

Needless to say, they _never_ smoked again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
